911 – 2018

I’ve just screened two very different projects; a new HBO documentary, Hooking Up In The Age of Online Dating…and tonites episode of VICE. My mood was comparatively dark prior to both; today IS 911…and Friday is my ReBirthday.

VICE featured footage recently released, images I’d never before seen. It was arresting. I was looking at locations with which I was personally familiar; side streets, aerial crosswalks (I’d lived here for eight years, I entered the towers daily) …but all was shrouded now in dust and debris and smoke. As the camera panned about, I suddenly realized that the North Tower had yet to fall…and my insides were screaming, “Get Out! Get The Fuck Away!” The images are incredibly resonant for me, almost like watching footage from an old combat patrol that you remember having a very bad outcome.

The HBO dating documentary is upsetting for an entirely different reason…and by writing about it, I surely offer myself up for the judgment of younger players.  It illuminates contemporary dating rituals in the age of iPhones and apps…and I find it incredibly depressing. I’m saddened for entire generations now engaging this seminal quest; young people coming of sexual age, in search of connection. It’s not my desire to judge…but clearly I do. If the youngsters interviewed displayed any consistent measure of satisfaction with their new playbook, I could cop to it, “I couldn’t find fulfillment with this process, but hey, if it floats your boat…” But they seemed both underwhelmed and dissatisfied with their own outcomes of modern dating…and understandably so.

When you are young, hormones and connecting are compelling drives…for men and women. Apps that enable infinite random hookups would seem to be crack for any horny teenager…and apparently they are! But equal access to modern internet porn generates images without connection, to be replicated in largely mutually engaged hookups. Objectification, impersonal intimacy without limits. Happy Days? For some perhaps…for a nonce. But I’d imagine, after 10 or 20 or 30 such encounters, one of two things is likely to happen.
1. Getting laid is fun! Word! Emotional connection AND sex is pretty fine as well!
2. But if there is never an emotional, personal connection, AT SOME POINT, the fun quotient must surely dissipate to zero. And apparently, in some cases, it does.

There is seemingly a level playing field; women AND men get to indulge their carnality at will. Swipe, hook up, fuck, move on.
This would seem to be progress, yes? Sexual equality, doesn’t this represent social progress? Perhaps…but at what cost? Who benefited from this new sexual freedom…and what was sacrificed to generate sexual experiences without personal investment?

I can appreciate that these apps served marginalized youth in the LBGTQ + community. Technology offered them a path to find each other and connect, with fewer risks and efficiency. But for the larger community of straight teens and young adults in America, I have to wonder how well they have been served by the possibilities provided by the technology of the past 20 years.

I love sex; I have for all my adult life. But for me, the most satisfying, my most meaningful sexual interactions involved a personal investment and connection. Like I said, I can only speak for myself. But if the takeaway from this documentary is that modern tech has enabled young people all over the world to find others to fuck, without providing or requiring mutual investment in their interpersonal connectivity, I find it hard to regard that as progress.



You know, we’ve watched footage of ISIS fighters destroying sites of antiquity…and some of us cringe in horror. Much as we might’ve cringed, had we been privy to the burning of the Library of Alexandria. Loss. Treasure. Human history reduced to ashes. Given human inclinations, there is really no telling HOW much of our past has been destroyed, not by time or nature…but by purposeful, willful human decisions.

I watched footage tonite of 911. Over the past 17 years I’ve seen much of what has been captured. Tonite I saw yet more I’d not seen…but this enduring thought remains: It is always easier to destroy than it is to build.

The damage those largely Saudi terrorists accomplished upon our world on this day in 2001 is still being assessed. American prestige, our economy, our psyche, our responses initially in Afghanistan and Iraq…then Syria, Libya, Yemen, Africa…Blood, treasure, quality of life, fear, partisanship, climate change, wealth redistribution…

World events then occurred, becoming opportunities to exploit long held agendas by the empowered. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, regular people just kept on keepin’ on. Here at home, the middle class was getting hosed. The civilians in wartorn Middle Eastern countries were getting hosed. The past 17 years have seen a redistribution of wealth around the world, without parallel in recent centuries.

I don’t think they’re done yet. This is the time of oligarchs. We are the vassals. Well, most of us. A shitload of us 8 billion human lives struggle to rise to the level of serfs.  Yet we breathe. Some of us actually get to vote. And some of our votes might actually matter. I don’t blame anyone for being pessimistic. A lot of us really should be pessimistic.

But WTF? November is coming. God knows what will come to pass before we go to the polls. Even so, the midterms are my Lodestar. It is all that I have. It will suffice. IT MUST. And afterwards, we’ll take a look around and access the seas and set our new heading.


“Times that try the souls of men.”  A classic description. I can only remember this time around the sun.  My past lives may be enjoying ironic smiles, however.  “The fuck did you expect?”  😉

My discontent is no longer seasonal…it is now continual.  I despise our CIC, our administration, the ongoing dismantling of our democracy.  More than ever before in my lifetime, America exists as a means to benefit those connected with our economic elite, at the expense of The People.  Nothing new here, that has been so throughout the history of Man.  Perhaps for me to expect – or hope for anything other than that was childish. Mea culpa.  😉

I’ve met our President.  Actually, the only president in my lifetime that I’ve met in person.  And the few minutes we spend along in conversation were sufficient for me to validate my perception of this man.  He is whom I’d already believed him to be.  I won’t attempt to describe our encounter here.  If ever we meet in person, simply ask me what was unique about his persona.  And I’ll recreate our physical interaction for you.  And we can then express our mutual disgust.

No. I write tonite about something far more troubling to me.  I’ve tried to find an analogy to express my distress.  Often an apt analogy is useful to engage a reality too appalling to directly engage.  And I came up with this:

Imagine your marriage or relationship; your connection entirely successful, fulfilling, affirming.  What if there existed a separate intimate connection for one of you…and you somehow learned of this?  Would this threaten your foundation?  Could you incorporate this knowledge into your reality and successfully continue?  Would this be a deal breaker and thus lead to a dissolution of your family?  Some of us have engaged such a contretemps…some of us have survived such a contretemps…some of us have foundered on such a contretemps.

WOULD YOU WANT TO KNOW?  Or would you prefer to exist without such certainty? I won’t judge you, I’m just curious about how we humans are wired.

I posed that as an analogy, boys and girls.  😉  Back now to Reality.  Yeah, my president and his administration appalls – just fucking APPALLS my sensibilities; perhaps yours as well.  But that is not the point.

THE POINT is that this nimrod managed to get elected.  However he got here, enough American voters gave him Their Voice.  THAT IS MY ISSUE, folks.  My America…Dear God.  MY?  Yeah, an illusion worthy of dismissal.  I live in a nation, many of whose citizens hold me in contempt as The Other.  As INFERIOR.

At 74, to realize how little my personal worth is valued by my fellow citizens –essentially based upon my race – is dispiriting, demoralizing.  I have never before, in my life felt less proud to be an American. Not ever.  So now you know why I feel so despondent tonite.   I know that many ethnicities exist across the world with adversity; Hindus, Moslems, Jews, Christians…

Perhaps I’m just tired tonite.  But I am surely tired…of US. Of our enduring, fundamental, underlying bigotry. Our UNDERTOAD.

What did Tracy sing?  Gimme some kind of reason..?  Please do.