At some point, and it won’t be long, I’m gonna be who I really am. September 14th will have come and gone. My shoulder will have healed and been rehabbed. My gout will be medicated and under control. And the cocktail of meds I’ve been taking will diminish…and I’ll then be able to assess what Tucker has left in the tank. I watched John work yesterday on stage and realized, “You can’t do a role like that right now, Tucker. Maybe in a few months, maybe not…but you don’t have the stamina….and those are the roles that have always interested you. ”
It’s something professional athletes all face, but at a younger age. Knowing when to walk away. We know of the power pitcher who has evolved into the wily veteran, no longer able to throw at 95 mph but can change speeds and move the ball around and so extends his career. The hallmark of my work has always been a combination of energy and passion. If you’ve seen me play a character, you know that I am invested, that I really fucking care. If that is gone, then who am I? What then do I bring to the table? I see many professionals, doing fine work well into their 70’s and even 80’s. But many of us have also worked with accomplished actors who have reached a point where they need huge cue cards to read their lines and struggle with take after take…
Again, no decisions just now…but this question has reached the level of consciousness. And no, this isn’t a plea for encouragement – “You can still do it, Tucker!” I know better than anyone what I can do and why I do it. But it is an interesting place in life at which to have arrived.
Don’t cry for me, Argentina, I’ll be fine. But does this speak to any of your own realities?